Open Letter to Joe Soucheray from a Saint Paul Minivan Mom

bill toyota sienna

A Toyota Sienna. Note: not the author’s minivan.

The following is in response to a column that appeared in the St. Paul Pioneer Press last week.

Dear Joe,

You called me out. I have three children (ages 1, 3, and 5), I drive a mini-van (red 2010 Toyota Sienna) and I’d love to make the call on bike lanes. But you probably don’t want me to.

Here’s why I say YES to bike lanes: I am a distracted driver.

It’s not like I’m texting, heck, I don’t even have a cell phone. My eyes are on the road, but I’m answering “when will we be there,” trying to calm sibling disputes, and deciphering “I have to go” from “I HAVE TO GO.” Generally, I’m mothering while directing 4,000 pounds of vehicle down the road. I get nervous driving near bikers. Vans are wide, how do I give them enough space, and not veer into oncoming traffic? When there’s a bike lane I can more easily predict what a cyclist is going to do. And I have more space to do what I need to do.

Entering and exiting a vehicle with three kids in tow is hard, no matter what. Sure, if I park far away and across the street from my destination, it takes a little more puzzling out. But bike lanes enhance safety, even if they might make parking a little tougher.

Generally, mothers are kind of into the whole safety thing. Try three kids in five point harness car seats… it’s not easy! But we all know I’d be crazy to chuck the kids in the backseat willy-nilly. I love them after all. I’m completely willing to be inconvenienced for safety, even if it’s for the sake of some other mom’s 22-year-old kid.

I also like to bike with my kids. We don’t go on long rides. It’s pretty seasonal, and I rarely do it solo. But we can make it to church, t-ball, and the library. And it makes my kids ridiculously happy.

bill bruce vento

The Bruce Vento Trail. Note: not the author’s kid.

Biking is fun. It’s good for families! We’re lucky to live near the Bruce Vento trail where riding is pretty stress free and we can use that path for transportation, not just recreation.

When we need to take streets I mostly take to the sidewalks. It’s not a great solution. I’ve had lots of close calls with unpredictable pedestrians (i.e. kids playing hopscotch), cars have trouble seeing me when they’re exiting driveways and alleyways, and I have a lot of difficulty getting visibility before I’m in an intersection. Once all my kids are on their own two wheels they will quickly outgrow sidewalk riding.

But I’m also not comfortable with them “taking the lane.” Bikes aren’t pedestrians, and they aren’t cars either. They need their own lane (better yet a protected lane), to keep families safe.

Kids grow up, and when my kids turn 16 I hope they’ll get their driver’s license. I think it’s an important skill to have in our car-centric city. But parent-provided vehicles aren’t in the cards for our family. Biking is a really sensible way for teenagers to get around. It’s cheap, it’s good exercise, and it broadens the range of places and people they can access. Bike lanes make it easier to behave properly as a cyclist. There’s less guesswork. And when my kids turn into teenagers with teenage brains, I’d much rather give them keys to their bike lock knowing there’s a system in our city that makes it simple for them, and for drivers, to know where they belong.

My husband rides to work on his bicycle year-round. I used to make him email me immediately upon arrival at work so I could stop worrying (until his commute home). It still kind of freaks me out knowing the route he must take.

But budget-wise, being a one vehicle family is prudent for us. And I’m really grateful to have the van during the day for getting to classes and the pediatrician. My husband is nearly a decade past your “22-year-old”, and he’s not biking for kicks or to make a statement (though no one’s regretting the exercise benefit). I worry about the drivers who need to move over for him and don’t want to. Adding bike lanes isn’t pandering to a certain demographic, it’s about getting people safely home to the families who need them.

Joe, we’re totally in agreement that family life is thriving in St. Paul. But you’re wrong about bike lanes. Bike lanes will make family life in St. Paul even better.


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19 Responses to Open Letter to Joe Soucheray from a Saint Paul Minivan Mom

  1. Sonya Jaworski June 18, 2015 at 9:41 am #

    Amen sister!
    I’m with you as are many other mini van moms.

  2. Emily Metcalfe June 18, 2015 at 9:42 am #

    I love this! I have to admit part of reason I hate driving is that I have several kids talking to me at the same time while I try to navigate traffic. And my kids will not be getting cars either when they turn 16. We need safe bike infrastructure so everyone feels comfortable using it, not just the fearless 22 year old set.

    • Bill Lindeke
      Bill Lindeke June 18, 2015 at 10:39 am #

      I feel like moms are often scapegoated for the thankless job of driving kids around…

  3. Marianne McNamara June 18, 2015 at 10:41 am #

    Yes! Thank you, Elizabeth Saathoff, your letter makes so much sense!

  4. Clayton Shepard June 18, 2015 at 11:08 am #

    You don’t even have a cell phone?! Come on, is that the truth? Who doesn’t have a cell phone?

    • Aldean Hendrickson June 18, 2015 at 11:53 am #

      Simple answer: the people who don’t have cell phones. I and my wife are among them as well. There is just no way that monthly expense fits into our budget, and I am certain we are far from alone in making that call (if you will).

    • Julie Kosbab June 18, 2015 at 2:14 pm #

      It’s as much a choice as having a car or not is.

      If you look at many people’s living expenses, vehicle expenses + smartphone data plans can rival what they’re paying in base housing expense. They’re also among the easiest areas to start cutting back.

    • Joseph Finley June 19, 2015 at 10:40 am #

      Heck, I only have a dumb phone…911 outcall only.

    • Joseph Finley June 19, 2015 at 10:42 am #

      With all due respect, Joe can be obnoxious at times.

  5. Betsey Buckheit
    Betsey Buckheit June 18, 2015 at 1:08 pm #

    Thank you for a practically perfect post about why bike lanes are important to moms, people on bikes, people in cars and for getting around town.

  6. Rosa June 18, 2015 at 1:10 pm #

    Thank you, this is perfect!

  7. mary mccallum June 18, 2015 at 1:25 pm #

    YES! I tweeted my own short version of this to Joe when I saw the article. It was such an insulting piece to moms, cyclists, 22 year olds, moms who bike, anyone who thinks about a better future for our city. THANK YOU for this!

  8. Wayne June 19, 2015 at 10:22 am #

    Great post! But Joe will probably froth a little at the mouth and call you a hippie instead of taking it to heart ):

  9. Michael Lemberger June 19, 2015 at 11:38 am #

    Thank you so much for writing this. The comment of Joe’s that really struck me was:

    “Bicycle-lane planning takes into account, exclusively, 22-year-old bicyclists who quite possibly do not have families and might never, based on studies that show what a narrow bicycle seat does to the old sperm count.”

    Thank you for disproving his last point only by mentioning that you have three children 😉

    (I’m 45, have been riding for 30 years and have fathered two.)

    • Adam Miller
      Adam Miller June 19, 2015 at 12:51 pm #

      Leaving aside the questionable biological assertions, the premise that it’s 22 year old bicyclists – who are likely among the bravest and boldest – that more friendly bike facilities are meant to cater to is pretty strange.

  10. BHans June 19, 2015 at 5:48 pm #

    C’mon, Such is just trying to make a buck with his words for gosh sakes.

  11. JustMe June 20, 2015 at 10:08 am #

    Oh, for Pete’s sake. Joe is an issue comedian, If your children distract you while driving, sell that mini van. Two days ago I was almost creamed on the motorcycle by a distracted driver. NO tolerance. Kids are NOT an excuse. I used to have them. One is a cop now. Yes you are doing a great job with 3 kids and all, but most of us survive that too. Lighten up. Laughter is the best medicine

    • Joey Senkyr
      Joey Senkyr June 20, 2015 at 11:13 am #

      Doesn’t being a comedian require being funny, at least once in a while? That column wasn’t anything but cranky.

  12. MH June 22, 2015 at 1:55 pm #

    This is spot on. Thanks for writing it. I hope Joe reads it and comprehends!