Category: Humor

Saint Paul Floats New Libertarian Paving Policy

Faced with a cash-strapped Public Works budget, an endless supply of potholes, property tax unrest and a non-profit laden tax base, the City of Saint Paul is looking to a new policy approach to maintaining its streets. Using municipal technology grant from the Bloomberg Foundation, the city is set to debut a new road funding […]

April Fools - Margaret Anderson Kelliher in front of Shake Shack

MnDOT to Combat Dangerous Scourge of ‘Distracted Walking’ at Mall of America

April 1, Bloomington — The Minnesota Department of Transportation (MnDOT) has announced an exciting new effort in its campaign to fight the dangerous epidemic of distracted walking, by targeting one of the metro area’s most dangerous areas for distracted pedestrians: the Mall of America. “Distracted driving claims thousands of lives each year,” noted MnDOT Commissioner […]

Endangered Kenilworth Shark Another Hurdle for Light Rail Planners

The discovery of a rare subspecies of fish in the Lake of the Isles has created yet another challenge for the planners and engineers working on the long-planned extension of the Green Line light rail project into the southwest suburbs. Called the Minnesota lake shark, or selachimorpha calhounus, and once thought to be be extinct, […]

Neighbors Embrace New Oil Refinery for Ford Site

St. Paul, Minnesota — residents of the Highland Park neighborhood have been struggling for months against an outrageous proposal to redevelop the Ford Site with business, homes, and public green space. Today, Neighbors for a Livable St. Paul announced the results of their successful campaign to preserve neighborhood character. Instead of unsightly urban apartment homes, the industrial legacy […]

For Bde Maka Ska, a New Bridge to Honor a New Name

In an effort to boost accessibility and equity, Minneapolis Parks & Recreation Board has announced plans to bridge Lake Street across the north end of Lake Bde Maka Ska (also known as Lake Calhoun). The eight lane bridge is expected to be complete by summer of 2018, and is expected to save tens of thousands of motorists […]

“30 Days of Biking was Just a Prank” Admits Founder

“Why do you think I planned it for April Fool’s Day?” The question hung in the air like a dirigible during yesterday’s press conference in front of Stephen Patrickson’s Elk River apartment building, as the press and bicycling fans, many of whom were not wearing helmets, listened with dismay. According to Patrickson, the so-called “30 days of […]

Hennepin County To Relocate Central Library to Geographic Center of Hennepin County

Medina, Minn — The Hennepin County Board of Commissioners has announced a strategic relocation of the Hennepin County Central Library, to join the ideal location of Hennepin County Public Works in Medina, near the exact geographic center of the County. Since the Minneapolis Library Board merged with Hennepin County eight years ago, Central Library has sat at an extreme […]

Bridge Reconstruction Just April Fools’ Joke, City Says

The bright orange sign has been out there for weeks — “Road Work Beginning April 1: Expect Delays” — forcing drivers and residents to bite their nails and re-think their summer plans. But city sources revealed that the bridge closure is not happening after all. The signs were placed in an attempt to be more light-hearted […]

Stroaddale gateway signage

Southdale to Rebrand, Establish Stroaddale Preservation District

Edina, Minn — The City of Edina today announced ambitious plans to rebrand the aging Southdale District as “Stroaddale”, and to establish strict historic preservation guidelines to ensure that its low-density, stroad-oriented development is cherished for future generations. Stroaddale District is named for Stroaddale Center, and is roughly bounded by Crosstown to the north, Valley […]

Hilarious faux television promotion featuring large gathering of hipsters on a street corner.

TV’s “Real Renters of Minneapolis” to Debut in 2016

A local production company has completed casting for “The Real Renters of Minneapolis,” which promises viewers a look at the conflict that arises “when people stop living in houses, and start living on top of each other.” The show will be set in The Wedge neighborhood of Minneapolis, the heart of recent battles over development. Filming will coincide […]