When will we exhaust our supplies of Portland? Research suggests that Peak Portland may be just around the corner–the rate of discovery of new sources of Portland has slowly decreased to a mere trickle over the past several decades. In 2013, Portland consumption hit an all-time high, reaching 31 Portland mentions per person per month (31 PMPPPM). In comparison, the last major discovery of new Portland deposits was in 2011, on a premium cable channel somewhere north of ESPN 3.

—

Note: After his sophomore year of high school, the author moved from St. Louis Park, Minnesota to Fredericksburg, Virginia, and reportedly would not shut the hell up about how great Minnesota is.