Franchise Threatens to Move to AL


Rage the Roadkill

Minnesota Commuters United, a franchise in the Professional League of Major League Commuting Professionals, has threatened to move to Birmingham, Alabama (a city without Professional Commuting, relying instead on amateurs) unless it gets both new facilities for daily commutes, and a practice facility in the suburbs, as well as improved training at both the high school and post-secondary level.

The Commuters, whose mascot is Rage the Roadkill, are complaining about the quality of the track on which they drive, as well as a lack of overpasses and luxury skyboxes through which fans can watch the Professional Commuters in their daily match. With over 1 million players, if MC United relocated, it would be a major loss to the Minnesota tax base, Guy Le Flack, a professional flack working for the team stated.

Last year MC United came in 19th in league standings, according to a poll of traffic counters conducted by the Texas A&M University.

The team estimate the new replacement facilities will cost $50 Billion, amortized over 20 years. It is expected to be a hotly debated topic in the Minnesota legislature.