In honor of Easter, we bring you classic holiday knock-knocks, examined through an urbanist lens.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Ether
Ether who?
ETHER BUNNY!
Depending on the weather and your neighborhood, you are more likely to find a siding salesperson at your door than a bunny. If you are fortunate, you will luck out and find either a nice Girl Scout with cookies, or a local high school athlete selling fundraising discount cards that include gas discounts and BOGO ice cream treats.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Juan
Juan who?
Juan more ether bunny!
In some suburbs, if someone named Juan is at the door, residents are likely to call the cops. Meanwhile, on Dayton’s Bluff, this is just your next door neighbor stopping by to borrow a cup of sugar.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Stella
Stella who?
Stella nother ether bunny!
In most neighborhoods, there will not be nearly this much door-knocking, unless it’s election season, Halloween, or there’s a door-to-door search for a wanted fugitive on the run from the short arm of the law. You really have to hope the latter isn’t the case.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep and run over the ether bunny.
Outrage. If we designed STREETS for PEOPLE and RABBITS we would not have these problems. Where are the medians? The light timing? The traffic calming? The tunnels and overpasses for stroads? What of the children? How can we expect a poor little bunny to cross MN65 through Spring Lake Park? Bailey Road in Woodbury? Large sections of Snelling Avenue? It just isn’t realistic. This is also why Peter Cottontail was known to prefer hopping down the bunny trail. I’m sure he’d be interested in protected bunny lanes as well.
And be honest. The car isn’t going beep beep. The car is going 65mph in a 50 zone that really ought to be a 25 zone.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don’t cry. There will be more ether bunnies next year.
This is a lousy approach to safety. Traffic accidents are not a policy approach for zero population growth, y’all. Rather than counting on rabbit reproduction and immigration to create a bunny labor pool, we need to attract rabbits to our cities with good planning, accessible transit, and even a few protected bunny trails.
May your rabbit pal have crossed a pedestrian-friendly, well-designed street, well-laden with the festive carbohydrate of your preference. Happy Easter!