For Sale: Pedestrian Safety Kit (ONLY $49.99)!

FOR SALE: Pedestrian Safety Kit – $79.99 … NOW Only $49.99

The City of Robbinsdale’s Mayor Regan Murphy has officially proclaimed May as “Step To It” Month. Robbinsdale joins communities in Hennepin County that aim to encourage residents to live healthier lifestyles and record their movements.

Read the Full Proclamation here.

To win this friendly competition, residents are going to have to walk, walk, walk! But, it’s recommended by the Mayor that residents be safe by carrying a flashlight, wearing reflective clothing, making full eye contact with drivers, carrying a form of identification, and walking defensively.


Always remember to be mindful of drivers who are inattentive, texting, drinking, and/or speeding. Remember: cars have the right-of-way, even if State law says otherwise. Always be on alert, because distracted walking is dangerous walking. Walking the streets of Robbinsdale is dangerous, you NEED top-notch gear!

I aim to help residents of Robbinsdale by selling the affordable Pedestrian Safety Kit! The below kit can be yours for ONLY $49.99.


Included in the Pedestrian Safety Kit:

(1) Bright Safety Vest: When walking on a sidewalk or the countless streets in Robbinsdale without sidewalks, you need to be visible. Cars traversing neighborhood streets at the design speed (45mph) must be able to see you from at least 200 feet away.

(2) Reflective Arm Bands: Be visible, stay alive. It’s not just your torso that needs to be reflective. Cars rolling stop signs should be able to see your arms swinging. Reflective arm bands are a must!

(2) Flash Lights (one per hand): As requested by the Mayor, please have a flash light. It helps make pedestrians visible along suburban streets without proper street lighting. Having residents each individually purchase flash lights really cuts down on the municipal budget.

(1) Large Pair of Googly Eyes (attach to Safety Vest): Making eye contact with every driver can be hard when so many drivers are texting nowadays. Plus, it’s always so awkward to look at every passing vehicle. Attach these Large Googly Eyes to the back of your safety vest. You might not make real eye contact with the driver, but they’ll see you, slow down, and stare confusingly. A big safety improvement!

– (1) Identification Holder: While not required by law, it’s encouraged you bring along some form of Government Issued Identification. When paramedics arrive on the scene of your car-on-pedestrian accident, it’s best if the hospital can easily notify your family.

You might look ridiculous, but it’s better than being dead or having driver’s to slow down or designing our streets and places for people.


Pedestrian Safety Upgrade Coming Soon:

(1) Human-sized Protective Hamster Ball: BUY NOW and stay safe on Robbinsdale streets, stroads, roads, and highways.

14 thoughts on “For Sale: Pedestrian Safety Kit (ONLY $49.99)!

  1. Sean Hayford OlearySean Hayford Oleary

    I would say that your characterizations of Robbinsdale’s streets are a bit unfair. They’re pretty skimpy with the lighting, but walkable grid, good sidewalk reach, and not unreasonably wide. (Save for stroadtastic Bottineau Blvd.)

    I would say that, except the mayor’s characterizations of his own city’s streets are even worse.

  2. hokan

    I know the proclamation didn’t suggest helmets, but I think the need is clearly implied. This kit ought to include a pedestrian helmet.

      1. Joseph TottenJoseph Totten

        The helmet needs a go-pro mount, so drivers might get scared they actually have to obey state law around you.

  3. Paul Strebe

    Funny piece, but it is interesting that any responsible bicyclist would never be out at night without lights or reflective gear, yet you see folks out walking for exercise in early morning and late evening without anything to call attention to them. The vests do have a major nerd factor, but I have seen people in them. Plus, as I tell other when they didn’t want to wear helmets, that your crumpled corpse will look real cool laying on the ground without a helmet.

    1. Rosa

      Are you being sarcastic? Just because cyclists have been forced into a super defensive position in relationship to cars, you think everyone should be?

      If people can’t see and avoid hitting human-sized and human-speed objects of any type, they should not be driving.

      If cars are (as they increasingly are) designed with terrible visibility and then filled with lights so drivers can’t see out the windows, then that needs to be changed. If we can mandate all these safety features for drivers and passengers, I don’t see why we can’t mandate that cars be designed to be safer for those outside the car.

  4. Joseph TottenJoseph Totten

    Stupid question, but what is a job for this kind of data? “Full time equivalent”, etc.

    1. Nathaniel M Hood Post author

      I can’t imagine they’re going to have much success getting people to submit their own walking data. It seems far-fetched. And, they are playing off the fact that adults in Robbinsdale (or Champlin, or Anoka) really care to compete against other suburbs in a walking challenge?

      I think this is an idea that has great intentions. But, I feel like it falls short in so many ways.

  5. Pingback: Absurd “Pedestrian Safety Kit” Highlights the Perils of Walking in America |

Comments are closed.