St. Paul Bike Lane Trilogy

If you’ve ever wondered what the essential difference is between Minneapolis and St. Paul, I would argue it’s the degree of wackiness happening at public meetings about bike lanes (and how those bike lanes affect things like traffic and parking). Minneapolis has largely accepted them, while St. Paul is still fighting the good fight.

I didn’t set out to make movies about St. Paul, but people kept Tweeting me links to weird videos. So I was compelled to create what critics will soon be calling the definitive three-part series about the people and culture of St. Paul.

Part I: Business Interests: The Choo Choo Bob Lobby. Previously unknown St. Paul character actor, in the role he was born to play, warns that “pool halls would like to enter into Choo Choo Bob’s.” Choo Choo Bob is a train store, not a person. Also something about bike lanes leading to “vulgar sex shop paraphernalia places.” [EROTIC THRILLER, 2 mins, R – suggestive dialogue]

Part II: The Bike Lanes of Ramsey County. County Commissioner Janice Rettman, formerly of the St. Paul City Council, karate chops her way through a wonky analysis of St. Paul traffic, while mixing in touching personal stories. [MARTIAL ARTS/WESTERN, 5 mins, PG-13 – graphic depictions of traffic on the way to Dollywood]

Part III: The Taxpaying Homeowners of Upper Afton Road. They paid for those roads. They park their RV right out front. They host family gatherings on Christmas and the Fourth of July. Your bike lane just cost them a customer at a garage sale–and they’re not gonna take it anymore. These taxpaying homeowners are a ragtag team of underdogs pulling out all the stops to save the children of Upper Afton Road from certain death at the hands of killer bike lanes (or maybe bike-mounted killers?). [Farce/Comedy, 6 mins, PG – slapstick violence, 4-wheeler footage]