Festivus 2018: Triplexes For the Rest Of Us!

Tomorrow is Festivus! Join us in honoring this celebration with appropriate decor and activities.

The Festivus Pole

We shall start the observance with a pole. While the traditional Festivus pole is aluminum, we feel that a proper Festivus pole for 2018 is the aluminum posts that hold up yard signs, no matter how ridiculous the signs.

Yard 2bsign

Two signs, atop four Festivus poles. Gotta take the signs off, though. Which might be an improvement? Image courtesy of WedgeLIVE.

The Airing of Grievances

Next, we shall begin the Airing of Grievances! The list is long, but we’re doing this Saturday rather than Sunday so that Betsey doesn’t add to the grievances by having it drop onto the Sunday Summary like a bulldozer.

The challenge here is that a grievance seems petty, and so much of this year was full of things that were not in the least petty. They were pretty serious stuff!

  • e-democracy.
  • All of the breathless “bulldozer” stuff from people, because changing zoning codes doesn’t mean everything that already exists will be torn down!
  • “No one bikes in winter.”
  • FedEx trucks in the bike lane. Especially in winter.
  • Insurance people who wrote the crap about how you need to wear helmets on scooters. (Hint: No one does!)
  • Triplexes instead of fourplexes, and even fourplexes instead of “something reasonable in height and setback for the lot, mmkay?”
  • That giant SUV who gets mad at me for respecting the 30 zone on University in NE Minneapolis.
  • Pig’s Eye has not yet been adopted as St. Paul’s official mascot.

As usual, our intrepid readers have shared some grievances!

Feats of Strength

For Feats of Strength training, it’s time to clear walks and corners and bus stops, okay? You can also tow a trailer with a Christmas tree in it by bike, or hold a canned food drive in which all your neighbors fill said trailer with canned goods while you sing happy songs. (Please send video.)

Cities, get your plows on those parking-adjacent bike lanes already, wielding mighty plow blades.

Your Turn

Dear readers, please share with us your Festivus observances, including any Festivus miracles you may see today and tomorrow. Did someone shovel the walk? Give you cookies?

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6 Responses to Festivus 2018: Triplexes For the Rest Of Us!

  1. Bill Lindeke
    Bill Lindeke December 22, 2018 at 11:31 am #

    My #1 grievance is … for the 26th year in a row…

    CARS.

  2. Aaron Isaacs
    Aaron Isaacs December 22, 2018 at 10:18 pm #

    Mine is republican legislators who stiff transit.

  3. Monte Castleman December 23, 2018 at 12:45 pm #

    * How much more fake money the property tax assessor says my house is worth that I have to spend very real money on in property taxes.

    * All the new LED streetlights that are burning out on the freeways and Mn/DOT apparently pretending they don’t see my email complaints.

    * How long it took to get the Old Cedar Bridge project done.

    * Building substandard lanes and shoulders on the brand new I-35W Minnesota River bridge (11 foot inside lanes) and the 106th Street to I-35W south ramp being closed for three years.

    * Minneapolis putting up brand new Yield on Green traffic signals instead of Flashing Yellow Arrows.

    * Wisconsin refusing to light their rural interchanges.

    • Mike Sonn
      Mike Sonn December 31, 2018 at 10:12 am #

      Assessed valued is usually 10-20% less than actual market value, sometimes more depending on how often your county does assessments. It usually only becomes an issue in a recession when that lag keeps values higher than the fast dropping market value.

      • Monte Castleman December 31, 2018 at 5:22 pm #

        OK. Correction:

        * How much more fake money the market says my house is worth that I now have spend very real money on in property taxes.

  4. Alex Schieferdecker
    Alex Schieferdecker December 27, 2018 at 10:22 am #

    The zombie Nicollet-Central streetcar idea.

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