Tomorrow is Festivus! Join us in honoring this celebration with appropriate decor and activities.
The Festivus Pole
We shall start the observance with a pole. While the traditional Festivus pole is aluminum, we feel that a proper Festivus pole for 2018 is the aluminum posts that hold up yard signs, no matter how ridiculous the signs.
Two signs, atop four Festivus poles. Gotta take the signs off, though. Which might be an improvement? Image courtesy of WedgeLIVE.
The Airing of Grievances
Next, we shall begin the Airing of Grievances! The list is long, but we’re doing this Saturday rather than Sunday so that Betsey doesn’t add to the grievances by having it drop onto the Sunday Summary like a bulldozer.
The challenge here is that a grievance seems petty, and so much of this year was full of things that were not in the least petty. They were pretty serious stuff!
- e-democracy.
- All of the breathless “bulldozer” stuff from people, because changing zoning codes doesn’t mean everything that already exists will be torn down!
- “No one bikes in winter.”
- FedEx trucks in the bike lane. Especially in winter.
- Insurance people who wrote the crap about how you need to wear helmets on scooters. (Hint: No one does!)
- Triplexes instead of fourplexes, and even fourplexes instead of “something reasonable in height and setback for the lot, mmkay?”
- That giant SUV who gets mad at me for respecting the 30 zone on University in NE Minneapolis.
- Pig’s Eye has not yet been adopted as St. Paul’s official mascot.
As usual, our intrepid readers have shared some grievances!
@CityMinneapolis Uncleared bike lanes.
— Aspiring Urban Farmer (@jmerkovich) December 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/LXVUDC/status/1073306046192599043
https://twitter.com/kyjlue/status/1073295501058023425
@streetsMN Festivus Grievances:
1) Pick-up/drop-off at my kids' school & focus on driving
2) Lack of bike signage on the Otto Ave bike path
3) Ramsey County plows throwing snow on the MRT trail
4) Lack of bike infrastructure in dt St Paul
5) St Clair and the Sneaky Trail— @Hecate@toot.comnunity (@danademaster) December 17, 2018
#Festivus grievance – The horrible traffic around the Wedge on both 21st and Lyndale!
— Debbie Friez (@dfriez) December 17, 2018
There is STILL no crosswalk across 26th Ave S from Seward Towers West into Merwyn Park.
— rc reed, md, phd (@mylo_cat) December 17, 2018
Feats of Strength
For Feats of Strength training, it’s time to clear walks and corners and bus stops, okay? You can also tow a trailer with a Christmas tree in it by bike, or hold a canned food drive in which all your neighbors fill said trailer with canned goods while you sing happy songs. (Please send video.)
Cities, get your plows on those parking-adjacent bike lanes already, wielding mighty plow blades.
Your Turn
Dear readers, please share with us your Festivus observances, including any Festivus miracles you may see today and tomorrow. Did someone shovel the walk? Give you cookies?