Festivus 2019: Detours For The Rest of Us

It is time once again to honor Festivus with decor and activities befitting the day, as we do each year.

The Festivus Pole

We shall start the observance with a pole. While we have done this before and so you may think us lazy, we are going with a bollard once again for our pole, aka “the suggestion post.”

A series of Festivus poles playing in traffic, photo courtesy of Bill Lindeke

The Airing of Grievances

Next, we shall begin the Airing of Grievances!  And boy oh boy, we have a lot of them. Many serious grievances that may rise above the level of “grievance” due to their seriousness and non-petty natures.

  • The Cedar Lake Trail detour. First, putting up signs weeks ahead of work starting, then ticketing people for ignoring them. Then, the actual detour is confusing, terrible and unsafe. And we’re stuck with this until fall 2021?!
  • Everyone blocking the box in downtown Minneapolis. It was an epidemic.
  • Parking ramps that subsidize the least efficient commuters from the furthest-flung exurbs.
  • Spending $3,569,917 to repave Ayd Mill Road.
  • The incompleteness of the new Minnesota River Bridge.
  • All continuing foolishness around “distracted walking” and “distracted bicycling,” both of which are garbage distractions from the real issues with our roads.
  • Right turns on red. Make them illegal.

As usual, our intrepid readers have shared some grievances!


Turns out it’s because the back door exit hasn’t been shoveled, which is its own grievance.



Why, yes. And St. Paul’s. And cities without sidewalks, because we can’t even complain about their lack of clearance because the city just plain doesn’t have any, which is maybe worst of all.

In follow up:


Feats of Strength

Every year, your Feats of Strength training should include clearing walks, bus stops, staircases, and those ice floes that form where there is runoff. I nearly killed myself on one of those today, and it would have been awkward given I am the only healthy person in my home right now!

If you went to a public hearing and stood in line without a bathroom break, that is also a Feat of Strength.

Your Turn

Dear readers, please share with us your Festivus observances and grievances. We also want to hear about some Festivus miracles, especially any that involve noodle soup of any kind (veggie, chicken, pho).

About Julie Kosbab

Julie Kosbab is an online marketing consultant and active transportation advocate living in Anoka County, Minnesota. She was one of Minnesota's only League of American Bicyclists Certified Instructors when certified in 2005, and is no longer lonely in that calling. A past member of the National Bicycle Tour Directors Association, she has 2 children and a garage full of bicycles. Find her on Twitter as @betweenstations, or read her (seldom updated) blog at Ride Boldly!