One Centuries-Old Trick Can Solve Your City’s Problems

Do you live in an American city? I bet it has problems. 

How many problems? Lots!

Cities are crowded. Cities have too many people in them. Cities are full of pollution. Cities are too loud. Cities have too much crime. Cities make you lonely. Cities make you want to get away from people. Cities are too expensive. Cities are not nice enough. Cities are badly run. Cities are going broke. Cities are wasteful. Cities don’t spend enough on basic amenities. Cities are unhealthy and not sustainable and have too many rich people and too many poor people. Cities have abandoned our traditional values. Cities are too obsessed with neighborhood character.

What if I told you that all of those problems can be a thing of the past? Scientists and urbanists and historians and doctors and regular people just trying to get around all agree that a solution to all of these problems can be found with one weird, simple trick just about anyone can master.

An ancient secret has solved the problems of cities for thousands of years. Few people have the opportunity to realize that one small hack can revolutionize urban life.

It’s called Walk More™. 

Are you having trouble finding parking in Uptown or Downtown or “East Town”? 

Walk More™ and your problem is solved!

Do you hate paying for parking downtown? 

Park farther away and Walk More™. 

Are you not getting enough exercise in your life?

Scientists working on these problems have just made a dramatic breakthrough. Thanks to Walk More™, almost anyone young and old can lead a healthier life.

Wait, are you sure about that?

Yes! A recent study from a prestigious university shows Walk More™ can be the critical difference leading to mental, physical and community health.  

Are you feeling stressed?

Walk More™ solves that, too.

Do you not see enough people in your day-to-day life? Would you like to feel like part of a community?

More and more people are realizing that Walk More™ can drastically improve relationships with others. 

Would you like to get out of the house more often, perhaps to get away from your roommate while they take over the kitchen again to make their weird soup?

In most cases, Walk More™ reduces domestic strife by at least 16 percent.

Do you like sunshine or rain or the sound of snow crunching under your boots?

With the innovative technology of Walk More™, all of these immersive effects are incorporated seamlessly into your user experience. 

Are you fed up with all the traffic on the street? Do you hate driving with all those maniacs on the road? 

Researchers at the Walk More™ institute in Madison, Wisconsin, have proven conclusively that another world is possible.

Do you want to help solve climate change and go free of fossil fuels?

Nine out of 10 experts agree that Walk More™ will reduce CO2 transportation emissions to almost nothing.

Are you sick of giving little kids asthma because of your means of transportation?

Walk More™ has been proven to have few side effects or negative externalities. 

Do you like having casual conversations with friends while making keen observations about the world around you?

With six easy payments of $0.00, you can have the magic of Walk More™ in your life every day.

Do you need to save money on gas or parking or bus fare or car payments? 

By cutting out the middleman, Walk More™ offers the lowest prices possible directly to you. 

Do you like trees or birds or flowers or spiderwebs?

Thanks to Walk More™, you can see all of these things without paying an expensive monthly subscription.

Would you like to get exercise without going to the gym?

Studies have shown that most people can Walk More™, even more than one mile at a time.

Do you like to get lost in thought while enjoying fresh air, pondering the past and imagining the future in a low-key way that allows your brain to achieve maximum creativity?

Walk More™ is clinically proven to increase and alter moods and well being.

Do you like holding hands with your children or significant other?

Walk More™ is an amazing scientific breakthrough that will double your opportunities for contact and companionship with your family.

Do you like watching leaves slowly bud and grow day by day on a tree that’s as old as you are?

Just a few minutes a day of Walk More™ will give your ocular receptors everything they need to appreciate the world around you.

Do you like wandering down a new street in an old neighborhood and discovering what can be found there?

You can boost your urban exploration results by up to 10 times with the magic of Walk More™. 

Act now. Walk More™ assistants are standing by waiting for your call! Sign up today and receive a free trial opportunity to Walk More™ in your daily life.

Don’t miss it. Try Walk More™ today!

16 thoughts on “One Centuries-Old Trick Can Solve Your City’s Problems

  1. Adam MillerAdam Miller

    Just walked the kid to “summer camp” at her preschool and it is pleasant enough to have us wondering if we should pick the charter school in the same building over our community school because it’s so pleasant to walk to.

  2. Kristin Carlson

    Praise all around for the trademarked secret of Walk More technology. Results boosted by Better Active Infrastructure (patent pending).

  3. Monica Millsap RasmussenMonica Rasmussen

    Moved to the city because I could walk to everything. Much of what I used to walk to has moved, but still have new reasons to walk, like getting child to school or to parks.

    I always have one other reason that I tell people to walk more- scared of what you’re reading about your neighborhood on social media? Get out and walk and find that you still have amazing neighbors.

  4. Bill Mantis

    I would recommend the advantages of BikeMore too. Especially if you’re an old-timer suffering from arthritis. An e-bike is a wonderful way to run errands.

      1. Megan

        Ah yes, the old double down and deflect instead of any attempt at self reflection. Bonus points for using “dude”. Classy!

        1. Bill LindekeBill Lindeke Post author

          It’s worse than that. It’s a riff on a Big Lebowski quote.

          (If you’re being sincere here, just about everything that makes it easier to walk more also works for people in wheelchairs or scooters.)

          1. Monica Millsap RasmussenMonica Rasmussen

            I am curious about Megan’s point as well. My neighbor who uses a motorized scooter for mobility uses the exact same path that I do when walking for dining out, groceries, and for just a general walk in the neighborhood. I have caught him stopping at the same neighbors’ yards for chats that I do on my walks.

            As for the term walk, many advocates encourage the use of walk-the wheelchair is their mobility aid. Saying to someone in a wheelchair “let’s go for a roll” rates as demeaning to many and awkward. Possibly going for a stroll is more inclusive, but the people who use wheelchairs that I know generally accept term walking for their activity when out and about. There was a Twitter thread on this a few days ago. There are also several blogs related to terms to say and not to say around people who use mobility devices. Here is one example:

            1. Bill LindekeBill Lindeke

              I think I understand your perspective and agree with your argument, but this post is a joke based on making one specific point. It’s not a serious policy proposal, but an attempt to use humor to shift people’s perspective about how to think about change.

  5. Alex

    I used to really like Walk More™ but it hasn’t been as good since they started adding more Death By Car ® to the formula.

Comments are closed.