The Crank’s Cartoon Shout-outs

I am hereby naming this column “The Crank.” That’s because I’m cranky, I like bicycles, and a crank is the part of a bicycle that makes it move. With this in mind, I’d like to offer the following cartoon shout-outs.

This one goes out to the Mall of America and “American Boulevard” in Bloomington:

Put an American Flag on it


In a similar vein, this one goes out to all the big-box stores that are unreachable by walking or bicycle:

LEED Certified Buildings


This goes out to Republican climate science deniers, The American Enterprise Institute and ExxonMobil:

(No Exit) It's just a "Microclimatic Trend"


This one’s for all the vehicle donation programs whose clients are being killed by cars, like Kars4Kids. Cars kill kids, so I hope you’ll just crush all the cars you receive and recycle any usable materials!

The American Lung Association's Vehicle Donation Program


This goes out to my friends at “Citizens for Roads, Asphalt and Parking,” also known as “C.R.A.P.” …I love you guys!

Real Men Wash Dishes in Carwash


These cartoons are for the folks who think we’ll all be using self-driving, green cars in fifteen years. I have a case of beer betting against it, so you’re all invited over to my house for a drink (in fifteen years):

How Addicts Talk

We'll Believe Anything (If it helps us be lazy)


This one goes out to bicycle helmet-haters and cyclists who opposed Cleveland Avenue bike lanes out of “safety concerns”. For the love of non-motorized transportation, CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?

Bicycle Helmet Advocates Versus Helmet Haters


Lastly, this one goes out to Polymet Mine Corporation, Glencore PLC, the DFL and the United Mine Workers of America. Why don’t we just give out the millions of dollars per year in eternal mitigation costs to unemployed mine workers, in quarter-million dollar increments? It’d be a lot less expensive.

Earthday in the Hospital

Was that cranky enough for you? Now that I’ve pissed off everyone, I’m outta here! See you in a couple weeks. 🙂

Andy Singer

About Andy Singer

Andy Singer is doing his second tour as volunteer co-chair of the Saint Paul Bicycle Coalition. He works as a professional cartoonist and illustrator and has authored of four books including his latest, "Why We Drive," which examines environmental, land use and political issues in transportation. You can see more of his cartoons at

6 thoughts on “The Crank’s Cartoon Shout-outs

  1. Matt SteeleMatt Steele

    As much as I love REI, I love the WEI rip. Bloomington is such an insufferable place. I had to drive there for errands yesterday and it was frustration-to-the-max day. But then I got home, and later went to Nokomis Shoes (which actually has a fair amount of REI-ish wares) at the corner of 34th Ave and E 50th St, a short bike ride or long walk away from my home. And while I don’t get a dividend when I bought new shoes and wool socks, I’m not sure a dividend makes up for the brain pain involved with driving to Bloomington. -A fellow crank

    1. Thomas Mercier

      I’d contend that at least the Bloomington REI is easier to get to on bicycle, foot and/or mass transit than the Roseville or Maple Grove stores.

  2. Nathanael

    To answer the final question, the problem is Puritans.

    More specifically, we have this weird Puritan idea that people should only get money to live on if they *work*. So we can’t just buy off the unemployed mine workers (which is the *correct* thing to do) because people have this wacky Puritan reaction, this “they must be forced to work in order to get money” reaction.

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