I am hereby naming this column “The Crank.” That’s because I’m cranky, I like bicycles, and a crank is the part of a bicycle that makes it move. With this in mind, I’d like to offer the following cartoon shout-outs.
This one goes out to the Mall of America and “American Boulevard” in Bloomington:
In a similar vein, this one goes out to all the big-box stores that are unreachable by walking or bicycle:
This goes out to Republican climate science deniers, The American Enterprise Institute and ExxonMobil:
This one’s for all the vehicle donation programs whose clients are being killed by cars, like Kars4Kids. Cars kill kids, so I hope you’ll just crush all the cars you receive and recycle any usable materials!
These cartoons are for the folks who think we’ll all be using self-driving, green cars in fifteen years. I have a case of beer betting against it, so you’re all invited over to my house for a drink (in fifteen years):
This one goes out to bicycle helmet-haters and cyclists who opposed Cleveland Avenue bike lanes out of “safety concerns”. For the love of non-motorized transportation, CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!?
Lastly, this one goes out to Polymet Mine Corporation, Glencore PLC, the DFL and the United Mine Workers of America. Why don’t we just give out the millions of dollars per year in eternal mitigation costs to unemployed mine workers, in quarter-million dollar increments? It’d be a lot less expensive.
Was that cranky enough for you? Now that I’ve pissed off everyone, I’m outta here! See you in a couple weeks. 🙂
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